Calling

I have a job. I don't need to be reassigned, self-appointed, busier. 

I have a very important job and it doesn't matter the pay out. 

Over the past few months, I've found myself itching for things that aren't meant to be grasped right now, or maybe even ever. It's okay to dream. But it's not okay to wish away time. I need to use the time I've been given. This very moment. 

I've found myself sometimes seeing other women doing really cool things with volunteering or career and I've thought, oh I want to do that, too. But I can't right now because this is what I'm doing. But, here's the thing. I love my life. I love what I'm doing. I love getting to spend time with my kids family and it is enough. Our job is to do what He calls us to do when He calls us to do it. I am enough because He is more than enough. 

I don't need the world to validate me. Sometimes, most of the time, I find myself wanting to be validated. But, I don't NEED to be. 

When my mom got sick (Yep, here I go taking about that again...but listen, because this is important) when my mom got sick, I remember one of the times after she had chemo treatment. She crawled into bed and read one year old Eli a book. I watched her read it through the video monitor in another room. On a tiny black and white screen, I watched and listened to her read my son a book. And, I felt what I now know was the Holy Spirit gently tell me "This is the last time she'll ever do this." And, it was. She never read him another book. Ever. That was about two months before she passed away. And that sounds really morbid and maybe sad. But it was a gift. The Holy Spirit telling me that was a total gift. I needed to be let down gently. I needed to be told the importance and the magnitude of that moment. I got to see it one last time. And know it was the last time. And I soaked it in. Not everyone gets to know when the last time for something is. We usually don't know. This isn't to say I ever gave up hope of a miracle. Trust me. I prayed for a miracle even well after her last breath (I'll save that story for another day). I didn't give up. But I also heard the voice and heeded it. I wish I could say I always listen and obey. I don't. I'm a terrible listener. But, man, I'm glad I listened that day. So glad. Even more glad He talks to me.